Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Only You

Posted: October 7, 2013 by ShortTimer in Humor

only you

Just a few gun news stories from the last few days.

A NJ gun buyback program kept those dangerous war relic rifles and “assault shotguns” off the street.

Authorities say a 2-day gun buyback program staged in central New Jersey last weekend netted 218 firearms.

Acting Monmouth County Prosecutor Christopher Gramiccioni says the weapons collected at a church in Asbury Park and the Rumson police department included 126 handguns, 39 shotguns, and 24 rifles.

Among the assault weapons surrendered was a Colt AR-15, a Mossberg assault shotgun and a World War II-era Japanese bolt-action rifle.

126+39+24=189  What were the other 29 firearms?  Muskets?

I’m sure pulling an Arisaka out of grandpa’s closet and destroying it really made the world safer.  I wonder if there are any artifacts in museums they’d like to destroy, too?

And seriously, an “assault shotgun”?  Unless maybe it was the gimmicky, asinine Mossberg Chainsaw, which is assaults the eyes with ugliness and absurdity.

mossberg chainsaw

You never go full Mossberg.


Angela Giron, ousted Colorado Democrat, said she won.

The recall fight that my colleague, Colorado Senate President John Morse, and I lost demonstrated that no matter the cost of our political positions, common-sense gun-safety legislation is achievable. Colorado’s newest gun-safety laws have been in effect for months, and the recalls have no bearing on them. The legislation we helped pass proves that the gun lobby can be beaten.

She’s actually somewhat correct, in that she got her way.  She got greater government control, reduced citizen freedom, and she got to leave the lasting marks of tyranny in Colorado.  None of what she did was “common-sense” or “gun-safety”.  Remember, this is the same Colorado legislature that said women don’t know when they’re getting raped, and it’s better for them to get raped than defend themselves.


At the Navy Yard memorial, Obama had to go and push him some gun control.  It was basically the same song and dance we’ve heard from gun banners in the last couple years.  Katie Pavlich pointed out that everything Obama said was ludicrous:

Got that? If you don’t support new “common sense” gun control measures, you just don’t care about preventing mass shootings. And with all due respect, mass shootings are not the new normal and are not on the rise as President Obama would like the country to believe. Violence in the streets of Chicago between rival gangs is normal. Mass shootings, are not.

Let’s refresh what happened last week: Mad man Aaron Alexis, who was hearing aliens talk to him, purchased a shotgun legally at a Virginia gun store after passing two background checks. He carved cryptic sayings into the shotgun like “better off this way,” and “my elf gun.” He then illegally took that gun into Washington D.C., illegally brought it into the Navy Yard and committed mass murder. When it comes to more gun control, I’m not exactly sure what Obama is trying to get out here. Is he implying we should institute more restrictions on basic shotguns?


And finally, Larry Correia of Monster Hunter Nation utterly destroys some silly leftist’s gun control rant with devastating wit.  It’s a fun read:

Dear Gun Nuts

I’d say I qualify as a Gun Nut. My full weapons/tactics/legal resume is in the first link above.

So, a few things.

After the first time I shot a gun, I couldn’t hear anything for two days. This is because it was a .44 magnum and because I was eight and not wearing any ear protection.

Speaking as a retired firearms instructor, your father is an idiot.

It’s a huge gun—the kind Dirty Harry used—and my dad had to help me hold it as I pulled the trigger.

Dirty Harry would have slapped your dad upside the head for not giving you any ear plugs.

The next day, he had to explain to my third grade teacher why the only thing I could hear was a loud ringing.

If the explanation didn’t start out with “Because I’m an idiot— ” it was insufficient.

There are right ways and wrong ways to go about your gun-having. (And your son-having.) My dad did do a good job of teaching me about gun safety once I was able to hear him speak words again. He even went and bought ear protection.

Wow. He’s father of the year. And as we’ll see as Matt’s essay goes on, he didn’t do much to teach his kids critical thinking skills either.

 Growing up around guns made me feel comfortable with them. So, gun owners, I’m not against you.

He says before he goes into an article about how gun owners evil and stupid.

For a while, the 60 percent of Americans who don’t own personal firearms had a hard time figuring out how to communicate in the jargon of gun people.

You still can’t. When you people try to speak “gun culture” you sound like a white upper class suburbanite attempting hard core gangster rap. It is just pathetic and everyone is laughing at you. You learned your jargon from MSNBC or the New York Times, sources which are about as reliable and unbiased as Anthony Weiner’s Twitter feed.

But over the course of the last few dozen national conversations after mass shootings, we’ve all become armchair experts in arsenals.

Well, armchair expert. I’m an actual expert, which is why I can say with complete certainty that everything you go on to pontificate about in this letter is either flat out wrong or hyperbolically misleading.

It gets really good.  I recommend reading the whole thing.

A message from the White House Office of Obamacare Propaganda To Get Young People To Love Us And Sign Up Like Lemmings.


I think Sebelius runs it now.


Update:  Joking aside, there are triple premiums coming your way.

Andy and Amy Mangione of Louisville, Ky. and their two boys are just the kind of people who should be helped by ObamaCare. But they recently got a nasty surprise in the mail.

“When I saw the letter when I came home from work,” Andy said, describing the large red wording on the envelope from his insurance carrier, “(it said) ‘your action required, benefit changes, act now.’ Of course I opened it immediately.”

It had stunning news. Insurance for the Mangiones and their two boys,which they bought on the individual market, was going to almost triple in 2014 — from $333 a month to $965.

The insurance carrier made it clear the increase was in order to be compliant with the new health care law.

It’s kind of a hassle to write about the NSA, because since Snowden started telling the world about the NSA’s “spy on everyone” PRISM program and other programs, there’s just so much to say.  It’s somewhat overwhelming to deal with the massive intrusion on American life and gross violations of the Fourth Amendment.

During the W. Bush tenure, Rumsfeld cited a series of terms to deal with levels of intelligence concerning Iraq.  There were known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns.  Known knowns are things you know.  Known unknowns are things you know that you don’t know – you may have vague notions but no specifics, or you may be unsure, but you’re aware there’s something that you don’t have full info on.  Unknown unknowns are things you aren’t even aware that you don’t know.

Rep. Bob Corker (R, TN) expains that congress doesn’t know what it doesn’t know:

“Every day there are stories… that are leaked out. The American people want to know that those of us who are elected, Eliot and I, understand fully what’s happening here. I don’t think we do. I would imagine there are even members of the intelligence committee themselves that don’t fully understand the gambit of things that are taking place. It’s our responsibility to know those things, to ensure they’re in balance, and I hope as soon as we get back there’ll be a full briefing from top to bottom so that can happen.”

Except that Congress wrote laws to make the laws secret.  Many congressmen aren’t even allowed to know about the secret courts, and those that are are legally bound to secrecy by laws they wrote.  So we have secret courts, secret agencies, secrets within secrets, and layers and layers of abuses of citizens’ privacy and other rights that we don’t even know about, because they made it secret.

The NSA is full of known unknowns – we know they’re spying, and unknown unknowns – how are they spying, on whom are they spying, why are they spying, what are they doing with it, and what else are they doing?

The Founders did not intend for one secret court to make one secret ruling that would abrogate millions of citizens civil rights.


The most recent revelations come from the UK Telegraph (because American media won’t report on things unfavorable to Dear Leader Obama):

Staff working at America’s National Security Agency – the eavesdropping unit that was revealed to have spied on millions of people – have used the technology to spy on their lovers.

The employees even had a code name for the practice – “Love-int” – meaning the gathering of intelligence on their partners.

Dianne Feinstein, a senator who chairs the Senate intelligence committee, said the NSA told her committee about a set of “isolated cases” that have occurred about once a year for the last 10 years. The spying was not within the US, and was carried out when one of the lovers was abroad.

One employee was disciplined for using the NSA’s resources to track a former spouse, the Associated Press said.

Last week it was disclosed that the NSA had broken privacy rules on nearly 3,000 occasions over a one-year period.

John DeLong, NSA chief compliance officer, said that those errors were mainly unintentional, but that there have been “a couple” of wilful violations in the past decade.

Feinstein is the Senate Intel committee chair, so either she’s lying and knew about it, or she’s ignorant of what the NSA is doing, in which case either she’s incompetent or the NSA is lying to her, or both.

This needs to end.

Law enforcement officials who do things like run the license plates of cars next door to their houses if they think their spouses are cheating get fired for abuse of authority.  The NSA used super-secret spy equipment to track their lovers’ every move and they get to tell their overseers that it’s none of their business.

Not only is this an indictment of the agency as an unconstitutional, tyrannical Orwellian nightmare, it’s also an indicator of what the character of these people are and the character of their organization.  They aren’t just run-of-the-mill facebook stalkers, they’re willing to use spy satellites and electronic surveillance to watch your every move at all times.

nsa new directors

nsa overly attached girlfriend director

nsa love int overly attached girlfriend

Herman Cain on Obamacare

Posted: August 24, 2013 by ShortTimer in Humor, Obamacare

From Hermain Cain:

herman cain obamacare fb

The Joe Biden Defense

Posted: July 17, 2013 by ShortTimer in Democrats, Government, Guns, Humor, Second Amendment

From Washington, KOIN News:

VANCOUVER, Wash. (KOIN) – A Vancouver man who fired a shotgun to chase away alleged car prowlers pleaded not guilty Wednesday and cited Vice President Joe Biden as the reason he did this.

Jeffery Barton, 52, pleaded not guilty to one count of illegal aiming or discharging a firearm at his arraignment in Clark County Court.

Barton reportedly admitted to deputies that he fired his weapon while chasing away people who he thought were breaking into his vehicles at 5804 NE 124th St. in the early morning hours Monday.

Deputies are investigating whether a large teen party that got out of control at a neighbor’s home may have been linked to the shooting. However, at this point, deputies have said there was no evidence of prowlers on Barton’s property.

Outside the courtroom Wednesday, Barton cited the vice president in defense of his actions.

“I did what Joe Biden told me to do,” Barton told KOIN. “I went outside and fired my shotgun in the air.”

Barton was referring to a question and answer session the vice president had in February.


Train Safety: Last Clear Chance

Posted: June 20, 2013 by ShortTimer in Culture, Humor

Via Drudge, from Breitbart:

BELMONT, Mass. — A woman and her two children, ages 7 and 10, narrowly escaped serious injury when a train smashed into their minivan after a GPS device led the driver onto MBTA train tracks Tuesday night.

The woman was driving southbound on Brighton Street shortly before 9 p.m. when the GPS device directed her to make a right turn which placed her vehicle directly onto railroad tracks.

There’s some deep exploration of the human condition about an overreliance on technology that hinders basic skills to be had here.  It indicates a certain diminishment of humanity that leaves people weakened and subordinate to their own tools, but there’s a more basic question to be asked:

Why don’t they look?


For Post 1000 – A Dog In An Airplane

Posted: May 24, 2013 by ShortTimer in Humor

And now for something completely different:

Cam Edwards of Cam & Company on NRA news brought up some Daily Kos diarrhea the other night, and I found it pretty informative as to what the left thinks.

The Daily Kos diarrhea is titled “If the NRA really cared about gun rights”, and can be summed up rather quickly by its opening paragraph:

If the NRA really cared about gun rights…they wouldn’t support policies that take away the ability of thousands of people every year to keep and bear arms because they’re f***ing dead.  By this simple fact the NRA reveals itself not to have any concern for gun rights or gun owners, but merely to be an advocate for the gun business – a quasi-criminal syndicate of shady industrial corporations for whom the deaths of their customers and innocent bystanders are actually more profitable than keeping them alive.

It gets stupider, but it’s all basically Tim Robbins’ speech from Team America:

As long as the death rate is low enough for people in general to still leave their houses to visit a gun store, murder is all profit for them: It perpetually sows the seeds of fear, insecurity, paranoia, alienation, and rage that bring more people to patronize their business.

Yeah, it’s pretty stupid.  In fact, it’s unintentional parody of the left.  And here we get to the best part:

The NRA and its fellow-traveler gun anarchy organizations have nothing whatsoever to do with Constitutional rights: They are a priesthood of murder fanatically committed to the promotion of human destruction and suffering, because at their core are businesses that depend on it, and that could not financially survive on the idle interests of hobbyists in a safe and secure America.

That a Daily Kos diarrheaist doesn’t understand natural rights isn’t a surprise.  That he (or she, or shim/he-er or whatever) thinks that their rambling “businesses=evil” rant accurately reflects reality is both funny and sad.  Funny because it’s ludicrous, sad because it displays such a narrow breadth of mind that’s completely devoid of any receptiveness to data that would disprove or at the very least give pause to such wild-eyed manic hatred and belief in the pure evil of the NRA and people who believe in the natural rights of self defense and the tools that enable those rights.  (Troubadour bolded that “Priesthood of Murder”, not me, btw.)

And this brings us to my real point here.  Criticizing Troubadour’s rant is sort of like criticizing a North Korean propagandist.  They’re either so woefully misguided that you have to pity them, or they’re so absurdly convinced of their own ludicrous crackpot nonsense that all you can do is laugh at them.  Besides, Cam already criticized it.

But in this case, Troubadour has unconciously made one of the most badass and fun critiques of the NRA, and totally for the wrong reasons.  Troubadour devolves into unwitting self-parody, but a self-parody that’s made utterly sidesplittingly hilarious to me because…


The entire diarrheaist diatribe is so over the top that every new phrase is worthy of an album title (or even a band name).


So let’s explore the fictional history of the most metal of all civil rights organizations, the NRA.  \m/ d(-_-)b \m/

Priesthood of Murder is obviously the most metal, and the NRA’s signature album.  It was both a critical and commercial success, and marked the turningpoint for the NRA from just another metal band into the devastating metal powerhouse that they ultimately have become.

NRA priesthood of murder 2

But the NRA’s badass discography doesn’t just begin there.  It starts way back with their low-budget garage releases when they first got going:

NRA human destruction and suffering cr

Those early days were marked with a distinct sound that the metal world hadn’t yet warmed to.  But the band stayed dedicated, despite some lineup changes as members settled into their roles and some dealt with the difficulties of a harsh tour schedule.

NRA fanatically committed m4 cr

At least one of their later studio albums would recapture those intial sounds, going back to some of their older work that had matured out on the road, forging an album that showed the same spirit, but greater skill:

NRA sowing the seeds of fear cr

The DK criticism gets even more metal as it goes:

For decades this vile exercise in the banality of evil has driven murderous civil wars and genocides throughout the world without any sort of consequences blowing back on them, and now they have brought their agenda home.


NRA, as happens to many bands, found themselves in a rough patch for a year after their harsh touring schedule.  After a short break, the band members realized that the regular world they’d returned to off the tour bus wasn’t for them.  The returned to the studio with a renewed look at the world after their resting period, and cranked out another of their early albums, now widely regarded as a technical advance for the band as their skills developed:

NRA banality of evil cr

And their next release was after a very successful European tour, which garnered the band not only attention from an international audience, but spiked interest in the band back in the United States.  It included a 2-disc set, the first being the album, and the second being a collection of European-only singles that were previously unreleased in the US.

NRA bringing the agenda home cr


This is about as metal as it gets:

Now the American people are the grist for their mill, grinding human bodies of all ages to make their bread, and cavalierly dictating terms to the US government in the face of overwhelming outcry from 90% of the citizenry demanding greater regulation and accountability.


It was then that NRA kicked out one of their most popular albums, considered by purists to be the truest-to-form NRA, and widely considered the last of their “early” albums.

NRA overwhelming outcry cr

That period of early albums was later revisited when they released a collection of studio jams and songs from out-of-print records:

NRA grinding bones cr

Coming out only 9 months after “Overwhelming Outcry”, the NRA fiercely charged up the charts with their next album:

NRA cavalierly dictating

It just keeps getting better (or worse, if the clown wanted to be taken seriously):

No one is free while the manufacturers of arms can overrule and hijack the Constitution without the consent of the people whose lives they harvest like demons in business suits.  Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness cannot be protected in a state of deliberately cultivated violence.


While “No One Is Free” proved to be a turning point in the early years with the band’s new guitarist…

NRA no one is free cr

…it was widely considered to be eclipsed by the return of their old guitarist from “Fanatically Committed” – but unlike some bands, NRA welcomed the older and kept the newer, though the next album’s title would be an inside joke about the guitar lineup changes:

NRA overrule and hijack cr

After another tour, they released a solid live album, with tracks from various tours – both early and late, that was well-received by fans:

NRA demon business cr

But little could prepare the metal world for the NRA’s most recent release, an aggressively badass studio album hailed by metalheads as staying true to form that had just revisited in “Sowing the Seeds of Violence” – and taking new steps from that album, yet again refining their sound:

NRA deliberately cultivated violence cr

There’s also been much talk of some alternate projects, including a punk album called “Anarchy Organizations”, and a collaborative effort called “Smirking at Irony”, neither of which have been discussed much by the band in interviews.  Rumors have circulated for years about a country-horror themed album called “Cold Dead Hands”, but right now the band’s focus is on their current tour.

Whatever the future may be for NRA, their impressive discography of heavy metal has dominated the charts for years, and shows no signs of stopping.  Rock on.


So metal.